I AM NOT AFRAID
My greatest fear was the darkness…..
Unbeknownst the dam was breaking. I lay there…and like a heavy door closing out winter’s breeze I was struck. Not a malicious strike, nor love struck. Rather, a long awaited, forever known but forgotten revelation. I gathered and rose gently from the couch…smoothly with confidence I walked to the only remaining light shining in my home. I placed my hand upon its switch. As I clicked to the off position, the darkness enveloped me…suddenly it dawned on me. I snickered and over joyously said aloud yet softly “I…am not afraid”. It was then, that very moment, in the apex of my fear….
Up the stairs to my room I repeated courageously “I am not afraid”. I lay again, this time in the silence of my bed. Just as I covered and relaxed my body I said again… “I am not afraid”. BOOM!! Not a noise, not a movement the 5 senses could ever perceive…an astonishing ultra sensation of vibrational energy took over me….AGAIN I said “I am not afraid”. Like being hit with Thunderbolts from the heavens the vibrations became more intense and again “I am not afraid”. I lay there, confident, welcoming the rush of energy up and down my person, embracing the glory of this unexpected moment.
Eyes closed yet seeing….yes, seeing ……seeing through closed eyes. Shapes, colors, sounds, sights mostly foreign but lovely in nature all fluttering in the abyss. Continuing my proclamation…I AM NOT AFRAID, and in the blackness of my perception appeared visions of wicked intent moving their pawns into position.
THE VISIONS SAID NO!! Like a Grand Master paints the checkered board their gambit had been released. Attacking with flashes of agony and screams…NO…Their hand had been shown. They said….We are your weakness, your doubt, your stress, your worries, your anxiety, your nervousness, your spinelessness, your guilt, your contrived inadequacy….We are your FEAR!! Unknown at the time…my apperception was at hand.
The dam had busted wide open and I happily accepted its birr. Somehow I found the mettle to remain calm and intently repeat…I am not afraid. All the while wondering, who was this attacking force that knew me so well? Memories long thought forgotten of sadness, failure, regret and more ganged upon me….even still, “I am not afraid”. O I said it, I must’ve said it a hundred times. I said it, for every thought that attacked my new found power I said it….”I am not afraid”.
Steadfast was my resilience and as I grew fortitude and more comfortable in my surroundings I easily dispelled the most frightening bizarre visions imaginable. Eventually, I toppled the onslaught. I knew not my enemy’s genesis…..nigh invincible was this enemy, unlimited weapons at disposal. Pulling on all my strings, once more I said “I am not afraid”….for YOU have been discovered. I know who you are and where you come from…and you are no longer welcome here.
Be Gone! You have no power here!! This is my domain, my temple, MY MIND. This is MY MIND and I am reclaiming the pieces I have given away.
In that instant I became light as a feather…floating upward in a completely peaceful, unfathomable, blissful, strange still familiar place. Yet, it wasn’t my body that was drifting ever so softly up and out into the vastness of a seemingly boundless space…it was my spirit. For the first time, I knew that truly….there is more to life than I had been led to believe….there is more to me than my body. The visions dulled, dissipated and disappeared and ….I…just…was. Timeless.
This is my truth.
Realizing through experience, that we are not “only’ human but at the core spiritual beings living a physical experience brings forth an unmovable, unquantifiable, unimaginable empowerment to self. Though, overtime it can become somewhat bittersweet.
Have you ever tasted food that was cooked perfectly to your liking? How did you know? Have you ever been heartbroken? How did you know? Have you ever flushed a 3 iron? How did you know? Have you ever empathized? How did you know? Have you ever brightened a stranger’s day? How did you know? Have you ever created something that YOU JUST KNEW would be a success?
Have you ever known you accomplished anything…j u s t – p e r f e c t l y? Have you ever just….”known”?
Can you prove to me that you KNOW/KNEW any of this? I say, you cannot, and although you cannot prove it to me….I still know.
Now, if I attempt to convince someone of my truths above, what do you think are the chances for my success? Long, long ago, the Sun revolved around the earth and the earth was flat. The horseless carriage would never come to be. Never would two people connect through a device and speak to each other across the pond and surely they will never do this wirelessly. The newspapers never lie, nor does the Television, or the internet. And assuredly, no person will ever truly know what I do….. drink that kool-aid if you want it. I allow you to make your own choices. I hope that you learn from them.
A wise person once pondered about The Bear. Man see’s The Bear and says “that is the most violent, gross and disturbing creature imaginable”. Woman sees The Bear and says “that is most gentle, adorable and loving creature imaginable”.
Now, what is the truth? What is the truth about the Bear?
If you have never done something, then you have not brought the experience into your awareness. Most conceivably, if you cannot perceive its possibility then you are guaranteed not to attract it into your experience at all. It’s not supposed to easy…that’s why it feels SO fucking good. The truth about the Bear is….The Bear just IS.
Some days The Bear is violent and gross….other days The Bear is gentle and loving. The Bear…IS.
I ponder often that if people would spend more time focusing on self how then our future would turn. Dedicating more time to spend alone, in a quiet peaceful place perhaps with a notepad and just be. Be an Individual…even for just a bit. Perhaps observe your thoughts, brainstorm life or current circumstances you face. I wonder that if more people focused on improving self to their own gratification…perhaps then, allowance for separate paths would flower more brightly.
Some people are focused on “fighting” this, that and the other. Fighting is saying that you know better. I am not speaking of self defense when I say fighting. And even if you do suppose to “know better”, who are you to tell someone what to do with their own life (aside from your children)? Newsflash, once you are 18 years of age you are no longer a child. Those of you struggling with children or parents vise versa / either way…I can relate and the best advice I can give is this. Whether it be to mother or child…you cannot feed steak to a baby. However, if you break it into tiny pieces…the babe can chew on it. Most people are set in their ways….give them something to nibble on verse choking them.
I say the only worthwhile fight is with your own self. A fight to always be learning, overcoming pride and vanity, allowing others their path as you choose yours and never becoming content. Showing love but not allowing anyone to trample upon you.
Have you ever met a single person (a person not a puppet) who actually likes being told what to do? You cannot change people; people must choose to change on their own accord and more importantly at their own pace. Focus on improving self…the rest of the people will have to play catch up.
This is my truth…I am sorry that I cannot prove it to you. I don’t waste time wishing…but if I did, I would wish I could show you.
I AM NOT AFRAIDFiled under: Spiritual
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