Need true help in my life's path, helpful opinions neede

by BamfOttO on December 20th, 2016

I lived a very rough life of depression and drug abuse. No guides or role modules. Long story short I always questioned why we lived the way we did because it has never felt natural. Most of us, almost 65% of Americans and I assume more from my experiance feel this way and blame it on material problems. Then we have mixed emotions because what we are taught and what the world tells us the problem is doesn't spiritually feel right but our mental programming is to hard to overcome and we self destruct.
After a long battle of this and constant atempts to re-enter society I feel victim to the same controls, dispite my new knowledge. I made up my mind to just life off the grid, find my spirit and let it lead me to death or freedom because I knew to try the way of life they told me I needed disspite the overwhelming truth that it works for no one, would end in just spiritual disaster. The universe is funny and our fates are ever testing. I left my last stint in prison (anyone who thinks because I spent a lot of time in prison makes me dumb or a lesser human please stop reading and procede to the nearest pharmacy ask for Viagra and it will help you to go fuck yourself. ((Hellsing Abridged, Team Fourstar)) I was to set out on this mission.
That funny thing the universe does I said earlier was I stumbled into a person I felt truly loved me and cared for me. She came from the other side of the fence, the American Pie life. (her damn dads favorite song, imagine that!) She comes from a very materialistic world, and has been programmed that it is how you live. I think her whole attraction to me was that I( did not think that way and that I was the answer to her sadness. We worked and now run her family diner she was told she would own. Her retired parents own it, and we run it like we own it for over 3 years now. He has made no advancements to help her gain it, he is all comsummed by greed. (he on a whim went out and bought a corvette just to show it off and brag about how he will never use it and wants his kids to fight over it). I know being that abused by your parents is sad. She is costastlly lead on a string and it makes her sad. The last year I put mass presure on her to let me follow my goals, unfortinately the work force sucks and the company can not run without me.
This is not a battle of who is right, but what is right. I have no fear of death. I know this is not the end or beginning. I still want to be free and live. My only thought and I did skip[ over this key point was because I feel in love with her and now did not live the way I thought might work and went back to the way that didn't was because of my love and care for this beautiful soul. I feel down and she picked me up. She feel down and I picked her up. In reality she lives no differant than before she meet me. I know shes is happier and better cared for, and I am too. The fact that I know we love and why we have been so sad layely is because we are chasing the american pipe dream. The best example is the man she thinks she wants to be, her father. He finally retired in a huge home, has more money than he can spend but does not provide his children who work for them health insurance even though they are now entering thier 40's and live unhealthy lives. He is not dumb he knows if they get sick no insurance plan will take them, but the dollar is more important. She sees that but will not accept it.
My point for this is for peoples thoughts. I want to leave, I stay cause I rather die than hurt her. I do not and can never know how she thinks or feels. It is a stubborn thing to do, but I just can not trust my own thoughts. These last three months I really evauluated society around me and know I am sure it isn't me. Everyone is the same. Stressed, broken, overworked, chasing objects, and not paying anymind to their souls and spirits. My fear is how long do I have, if I live for nothing I die for nothing. When I aks her whats she wants out of life she says she wants to be happy with me, witch is not a goal or a thing, an meaningless idea you think you should say. I want to live minimal and work and live with in our means. I want to spend my time helping and teaching and trying to open people up to the truth that material will never make you happy, others, love, goals, and spirit are the only things that will

 Filed under: Spiritual

14 Comments

kaleohrile: It means you and all the reset of humanity waking up !

MY life 3 years ago but i went a differnt way , i read what you wrote and it like looking at my self 3 years ago but i made a differnt choice , i loved everthing you had to say i been in the samboat just differnt things in life/life choice, you remind me of my self and my battle which are not done the quest is never ending for me i just a took a year and half off and lived my life like it was my last and it was the best choice i ever made , you find your way do give up your jerneny just begone you be tested and question everthing it come with the duty persay but in the end it worth it , i sure your have some gifts that you can explane to other and you can do thing that humans would call you name or crufiy you or put you in the carzy house so on and so on , my point is do give up question everthing and live life ! You no the first human or the last that i have to tell this it mean the earth and ever one wakeing uo which is good !

BenjaminFalkenrath: I tried to IM you it isn't

I tried to IM you it isn't working idk y.
Unless you have me blocked lol
I was going to write about my own situation an how despite what I an my wife do her family always looks down on us. But since we are the responsible ones an they live with us. Realistically they can't really say anything. But they do. My point is you may not have a lot but as long as you have each other screw them. Because at the end of the day they're the ones who are not happy inside and they try to spread that to you don't let that s*** get you down and make you unhappy. They're really unhappy and not have to surround themselves with more material show them how happy you are with nothing and that will f*** with them more than anything you know. And that's the best way to be happy man.

kaleohrile: no i did not block you !

no i not mad at you nor have any problems with you i feel bad for you and how many other things are slaves i plan to end that for ever one all race sex color ect ect and then some , let the good times roll !

BenjaminFalkenrath: Kaleohrile I was talking to

Kaleohrile I was talking to Bam not you... My comment was for him! Not everything is about you. Kale chip...

kaleohrile: ah no my bad man

woops did not know who it was !

bluesbaby5050: Woops! I did not know who it was

BamfOtto is the guy that started the beginning of this post at the top of this page. Have a look and see.

BenjaminFalkenrath: It seems this Kale guy keeps

It seems this Kale guy keeps thinking it all revolves around him. An keeps repeating his same lines without answering questions or making sense... When I was just trying to comment to Bam to keep is head up against all the BS. But this Kale chip is very ego driven. An it shows....

kaleohrile: i add you to my paryers with the set x y and z

I do know who your with or what talk to you but i and both of you to the list of paryers , i am tired of crap lies on all levels not just for this earth but for ever one , i could tell you ever thing that i know just spell my guts but it would not make a deffernace , i chose this life i chose thing role no one held a gun up to my hand and said hay you need to x y and z no i explored and went where know one went i head what ever one had to say and i made my choice , i know who i am you can keep douting me and call me names yet i still pray for you and wish you the best , i want to heal earth then heal ever one else world and keep on a tucking , i do care for heaven or hell it boring aka limbo and i want to see realms world universe and then some keep tell me that i not who i am i still going , you can call me what ever name in the book , i been broken my whole life and i work on my self before everything else , do think i not wrote teaching and things to live by i have and art to but it the dam 21 cen and humans still and call it their own , 8 years we go to space to heal ever one else realms and world and keep going , and i tired of ever one getting fuck on and crap and lied to not just earth but out their and i not even found out what my life's are out in the universe , ever thing i work for was with me and my own to hand form music form the east to dance to art the list goes on and on , and the funny thing is i got he with little to know effort just ever telling me you not going to make your not going to amount to any thing and i chose to say fuck you watch me and i going to keep reaching for the haven and the starts and keep reaching , it for the world to heal on all level all x y an z not just me or et or x y and z all of us , i define my self and who am what i am where i want to go who i want to become not et or entiy or race or sex i make me for me and i want that for ever one else weather it be god goddess , et , light dark , gov ever one and to heal the wrong that been dealt , you can brake me i wake and i so thankfully to be alive and live all the carp and sin and things i took form other was not in vain , i want to see the world my world my ancestors all my family form my past life and i lost a lot of humans both on my mom and dad side but i all ways know i had a big earth family and i never gave up , i chose to be who i am , i make my self who i am good and bad i face my darkness i face my light and i work dam hard to bring balance to my self and i all ways going to wake up and be thankfully to live work hard see ever one of ever walk of life , love god bless i hope you life goes well and you can wake up to with the world !

kaleohrile: I know i wanted him to be their for him not sure where he is !

i know his life sound just like mine 3 years ago but in a differnt way or choice it means that the world wakeing up which is good !

BamfOttO: thanks, i guess and no benjiI

thanks, i guess and no benjiI didn't block you. It is a stress filled life and I want to work with the people in my surroundings to make it better, but I get a lot of static from the ones you love.

kaleohrile: Well thank you some one took the dam choice !

i did not chose this job for nothing and it was hard as hell to get here we win they lose game over , i not sure where you at or who you are but i sure i meet you , you got you win game over for the so do beat your self up and i cant wait to meet you , let the good time role ! you won some one too the choice you win , by by et of shit you juduement is here he he he the earth and team humatiy wins again ! tank healer dps wild cards and support in the middle ! game over you could not pull the wool over this humans eyes i know team super/spirt would come out before you et ha ha you lost fuckers , you got thank you ! i sure i am going to find this benjiI i cant wait to see it !

BamfOttO: sorry I meant to say the one

sorry I meant to say the one's I love

BamfOttO: sorry I meant to say the one

sorry I meant to say the one's I love

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